


Soulbound

by lilolilyrae



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Albus Dumbledore Bashing, F/F, First War with Voldemort, Getting Together, Good Bellatrix Black Lestrange, Horcruxes, Mind Control, Minor Character Death, Minor Character(s), Moral Ambiguity, Spying, Time Travel, Under the Influence of Horcruxes, at least like- not entirely evil, i wrote this in three days wtf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:35:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26431276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilolilyrae/pseuds/lilolilyrae
Summary: She travels through time and space, unable to change where she is going. What will happen when she finds love in the middle of a war in a universe she knows she can't stay in?
Relationships: Bellatrix Black Lestrange/Reader
Comments: 7
Kudos: 36
Collections: lverse





	Soulbound

**Author's Note:**

> Basically a self insert fanfiction written in diary-style at this point...  
> Cross posted to my [wip trash-blog](https://thelucyverse.tumblr.com/post/628905105516806144/look-for-gods-sake-i-dont-even-know-whether-this) on tumblr.
> 
> Disclaimer: jkr is a TERF and I don't own her works (sadly)  
> The old Order headquarters being in Time Cottage, Tinworth, is from ‘[Pride of Time](https://archiveofourown.org/works/444457?view_full_work=true)’ by AnubisAnkh, one of the best HP fanfics I’ve read this year (and I probably took so long to notice it because it has a ship I don’t usually ship, but then again the same can be said for this fanfic here…); Tinworth itself is a HP canon magical settlement I thiiink
> 
> Tw magicnazis, light horror, sexism, homophobia, loads of grey morality.
> 
> Featuring NotEntirelyEvil!Bellatrix/Author (f/f), Original Characters, Horcrux and Soul Theory as well as magical theory in general, Dumbledore-bashing, Snape-ignoring and a distinct lack of importance in one Harry Potter.

I am an involuntary time-traveller.

That, or I travel through dimensions, universes, timelines... whatever you want to call it. I do not know which, nor can I control my power properly. I have been given no information in regards to it, I just feel a certain _pull_ and when I give in, I end up in a different location and time and- possibly- universe. As far as I'm aware, I am the only one of my kind. Maybe I was born with it, maybe it was given to me... I first switched universes when I was five years old. At least I don't remember anything earlier than that- I was in an orphanage before that, I might as well have switched universes as a baby or a toddler. I had never asked how I got to the orphanage, and once I left that world, there was no way to go back to find out.

That's another thing: I can't control where I go, can't go back to a past world, and as far as I am aware, I never end up in the same time twice. The only thing I did learn to control is whether or not to give in to the pull in the first place. Well, to a certain degree at least- the longest I held out was just over a month, and the constant focus on not letting it drag me away had been boardering on painful. Not that I minded the change on scenery much- holding out had just been an experiment to see if I _could_ , not an actual goal. Most worlds I ended up in had problems biggern than myself, and especially as a child without anyone to protect me I ended up in less than perfect environments. Orphanages, monasterys or child labor. I never had many friends because I didn't know how to befriend people, my only solace being books- which I learned to keep close to my body when in the middle of one after the one time I lost access to the Harry Potter series for the duration of two years in which I stayed in a world in which those books simply didn't seem to exist. I can't be entirely certain- I didn't have access to Google, either, although it was a year in which the internet already vaguely existed- but the lack of the books in any of the bookshops I entered and the lack of knowledge about a book that was incredibly hyped in the world before made me pretty certain. I read fairy tale books from the orphanage library (two shelves, really) instead, and finished the series in the next world instead. 

It wasn't always a really _bad_ life, but it was anything but perfect for a child. I had no parents or any permanent figures of authority, I had no culture I really belonged to and no language I could really call my mother tongue. Mostly, I was surviving, not living.

And those were the good worlds, the ones that weren't actively at war. 

I first killed a man at the age of twelve, sending a burst of energy his way when he shot his way through the door of the house I stayed that. I don't remember much more of that world. I do remember that it is the first time I did any actual magic (apart from my time-travelling) that couldn't be explained as coincidence, the wind or a trick of the eye.

Not all the worlds I stayed in had magic or the knowledge of it, and the ones that did have it thought very differently about it. It wasn't just because I ended up in different times, locations and cultures most times (I spoke five languages fluently by the time I was eleven, with random words in others that I often confused amongst each other). For example, I was in the United States of America three seperate times in the twentieth century- once, they didn't seem to know about magic at all, and while the people in the other two worlds did, in one there was an actual magical world of many people hiding amongst the nonmagicals (and maybe, just maybe, the first world had that secret society too, I just hadn't be part of it), they sought out the magical people, gave them a structure and an education, the magicians worked with wands and rigid rules of how magic had to work, and in the third world, there were only small covens of witches and wizards badly hidden from nonmagical view doing magic without aid of wands or other objects but instead working together in intricate rituals. As far as I could tell, the magic itself was the same- I was able to operate all of it- just the understanding of it differed.

Sometimes, I would stay in a place for years, sometimes merly weeks. Sometimes, something so significant happened before I left the world that I almost believed myself to be some secret agent sent to set the world to rights who had now finished another mission, a belief that particularly helped me through uncomfortable situations as a child, but all in all, I believe the universes I move to and the duration of my stay is rather random. 

* * *

Now, I have just switched worlds again- the 1950s or 1960s if I'm guessing correctly. I need to get a look at a newspaper as quickly as possible. I'm dressed a bit improperly for the era (and the weather) so I'm sticking to the outskirts of whatever city I ended up in- Great Britain, England by the accent, maybe the London area?- before I can get me some better clothes. I don't have any fitting ones with me because I never manage to get all that many things with me from one universe to the nect. I carry a few things on my person at all times- wand, knife, healing potion, small valuables- but anything else tends to be ripped away. sometimes I manage a backpack full of things, more often now than when I was younger, but this time I gave into the _pull_ too early, and it was too weak to get anything but myself across. The left shoulder strap of my backpack filled with food, books and more valuables was hanging across my chest in mockery when I woke up in the new world. Maybe I should just invest in a sturdier material next time. Leather or something, if I can afford it.

 _Yup, probably London_ , I think as a red double-decker is driving past the bit of greenery in which I'm hiding to put on the knee-length dress I swiped from a clothes line instead of my trousers and pullover. I'll need to carry them in hand for now, but I'm a good pickpocket and I'm sure I will find a purse with enough money to get me a bag soon, or I'll just use a discarded grocery bag for now. You'd think food is the first thing I'd be concerned with, but I'm good at finding edible plants in the wild and soup kitchens in the city, at least in this century. I don't need much of a sleeping place either, keeping myself warm with charms wherever I end up at night. 

* * *

London is familiar enough.

What comes as a surprise is the magical settlement in it: one that I already know of, from a book I believed to be fictional.

* * *

I don't know whether the Harry Potter books I remember so vividly from several worlds of my childhood were actual works of fiction there and I somehow ended up in the story, or whether they were historical documents or prophecies...

All I know is that one day, I see the Leaky Cauldron right in front of me, and once I enter the Wizarding World of Great Britain, I find myself in the midst of a war.

Knowing pretty much exactly what’s going on, whether by fictional-not-fictional book knowledge or the seer abilities I claim to have, I’m obviously invaluable to The Light Side. It is lead by Dumbledore who I pretty much Despise with his condescending wannabe-god attitude) and when in 1972 they are discussing different battle plans and come to an idea that would have otherwise probably been dismissed, I grasp at the opportunity to get away from them and Dumbles in particular while still doing my part against Voldy: I’m going to go on a mission infiltrating the Death Eaters, I’m perfect for it as noone knows of me yet, and I can pretend to be upper class or sth so I will even get into the things .

So I go Deep Cover undercover in the death eater ranks. Of course, I can’t go in there immediately- I have to build a story, I actually travel to the US and France to leave a bit of a paper trail of someone originally from Britain who was just Away a lot in the past. I turn up again and try to get connected: going to the known meeting places of high-society purebloods and blood supremacists- not the actual death eater meeting points, that would be too obvious, but the ones their families, their friends and some of the actual death eaters frequent.

I get to meet the Black Sisters for the first time in 1974: Narcissa and Bellatrix, joined at the hip despite the four-year age difference (Bella is 23 to Cissa’s 19) while their husbands are off doing whatever they are busy doing. I am surprised by how much less insane Bellatrix is than book and movie portrayed her (although maybe that just came from Azkaban, which she hasn’t seen the inside of yet) and by how intelligent she and Narcissa both are. They aren’t just somebodies’ wives, they are their own people, and only the strict gender rules of pureblood society forces them to their stand, or even to their marriages in general, although I only suspect that much for the moment.

Another thing I am stunned by is their beauty, and how different they look. Narcissa is pale and blonde as described, but not by being a white girl ™ but through albinism, while Bellatrix is darker skinned and has dark curls. Narcissa straightens and styles her hair with magic to look like the women in the Malfoy portrait gallery, the family she married into. Bellatrix does not care for or about her husband enough to do any such things- it is whispered that Rudolphus, the man she married almost four years ago when she had barely turned twenty, is not actually interested in the fairer sex at all. While male homosexuality seems to be acceptable amongst purebloods, it is not done openly and most certainly not in a public relationship (not that these seem to exist at all- it is all about marriages, whire are unions of pure-blood houses, and illicit affairs that better not sprout any bastard children), and people would talk less about Bellatrix’ and Rudolphus’ lack of interest in each other if they were to have an heir already. Bellatrix used to privately joke about getting someone to hit her with an infertility curse just in case Rudolphus would ever actually lie with her, and when Narcissas first gets pregnant in 1975- only to miscarry a few months later- these ‘jokes’ turn more urgent and less insincere. While Narcissa would love to have a child, pregnancy is ugly and painful, and even Narcissa had planned to leave the child to the nurses as often as possible to still have time for herself in-between childcare, managing the Malfoy finances and social occasions that her husband often neglects for his new friendgroup, that she and Bellatrix are also invited to more and more often- it is even said that Bellatrix is one the Lord favors. They don’t call themselves the death eaters yet.

When I see the fear in Bellatrix’ eyes regarding the topic of pregnancy and children, I offer to just get rid of the problem by getting rid of the husband for her. Rudolphus is a ruthless, dangerous and chaotic man, a thorn in the eyes of the Light side for a while now, and while no crimes can officially be pinned on him, I have heard him talk enough to know that he is by no means innocent, and I know I would not feel guilty for his death by my hand. First, Bellatrix laughs- says they would just find her a new husband within a year, probably one more inclined to actually have sex with her. She knows her Lord- who she is increasingly creeped out by, and I do wonder about that- is not interested in physical matters, but while she is one of his favorites he would also not bind himself to her in a marriage.

I don’t know why- later, I tell the Order that it was the perfect opening for me to get into the Death Eater ranks, but in that moment I don’t think that far at all- but I ask her whether her Lord would oppose her being with a woman. Being with me. I know these people can’t actively oppose the Lord’s favorite, so as long as it wouldn’t endanger her position as just that…

Bellatrix takes her time to consult the Lord, and he is, apparently, all in favor of her ensuring that she will not be burdened down by a family. Apparently, he considers her quite important for the War. When she comes back from him, there is a dark glint in her eyes, and while at that moment I only think it is because of the impending demise of her husband, I soon wonder about it, as that glint doesn’t seem to go away… it will be years later that I find out what is going on. For now, I take down Rudolphus- it turns into an actual duel, and I end it with a harsh slashing jinx, not the killing curse. He is not the first to die by my hands (I had ended up in even crueler worlds in the past, and I am not as young as the twenty years I look), but a part of me is still glad that it was done in battle and not as an execution. I start to wonder just how much my cover of being what I would have considered to be evil is affecting me already.

I start to attend pureblood balls that I actually get personally invited to. People know me- by whispers of having killed ruthlessly over a man having wronged a friend (whether they believe that I killed Rudolphus because he wanted or because he _didn’t_ want to sleep with Bellatrix varies, either way I am glad that my assessment of the situation was correct and spreading the rumor helped my position in their ranks). On many of these balls, I meet Bellatrix, and after a while we start attending them together, as well as meeting up- just the two of us- in the semi-private ambiance of upper-class restaurants in magical London and Paris.

She is a strange woman, this Bellatrix. I’m not sure I knew her at all, back when we were just casual acquaintances and not formally curting the way we now are, in 1977. She has a cruel streak I hadn’t seen before (and that makes me think more clearly about what I know about this woman from the story I read, and about the fact that this is really all just part of my cover, not my own life to live) and the joyfulness and easy laughter at silly and genuinely funny thing has gotten less frequent. Instead, there is this- dark glint in her beautiful eyes, way too often to ignore. I usually believe that magic is not truly light or dark, every spell is neutral and depends on what you do with it (apart from the unforgivables that are called that for the plain reason of there not being a good way to use them), but watching her… I wonder if there is really some Dark Side sucking her in, destroying the woman I actually liked (I will admit that much to me, but not more).

Of course I always knew that she was a blood supremacist. But until then, it was more a distant, theoretic little fact- while before I was undercover, I wouldn’t even consider myself friends with people whose political ideology I didn’t know just in case I didn’t agree with them, now I have to be friends with these people, act the part, and not even discuss the topic. A part of me always kind of thought that if I just had the chance to really talk to her about it, to be open about my own allegiance without endangering my position as a spy, I could convince her of how silly her family’s and the Dark Lord’s beliefs really were. Now that I saw her go to Deatheater meetings (that I still wasn’t often invited to, a fact I both hated and was immensely relieved by), laugh with literal murderers, it got harder to ignore the fact that She Really Is Like Them.

I don’t think she entirely trusts me, with my fabricated past that really only stands up under that much scrutiny. I’m not sure what she believes me to be exactly, but we never quite find the trust a relationship should be built on, neither from her to me nor, of course, the other way around. We still follow the traditional ways of courting, even exchanging promise rings- and on that afternoon, away from prying eyes, in the privacy of her home, I feel so connected to her once more as her playful side is coming through again as she hides the promise ring first in her hair, then in a dessert: unhygienic, Bella! I call as she laughs, badly wipes down the ring instead of using her wand to get it properly clean before placing it on my hand, whipped cream and all.

By the beginning of 1978, people already expect to see us together. We are not sneered at anymore (at least not openly so) since a man by the name of Davies lost a high position in Voldemort’s ranks- he is calling himself by that title now, and while he doesn’t want others to address him with anything but 'The Dark Lord’, as far as I’m aware there isn’t a magical alert on the name yet, but the Order is of course already warned of the possibility- by talking unfavorably about one Bellatrix née Black. We are still the only openly lesbian couple at the soirees and balls we attend, but we are viewed more as an eccentric little oddity that has grown almost boring over time by most.

In spring of 1978, the Deatheater attacks get worse, the Ban on the name Voldemort leads to literal slaughters, the Order is constantly in uproar and I am barely able to contact them anymore.

In summer 1978, the war that so far had been fought quietly in the shadows gets very open and loud very fast. Former Hogwarts Students, still children in my eyes, are forced to pick sides and fight to the death- or flee the country.

In 1978, I am afraid of losing my Bella entirely- until one day, a quiet day of reprieve from fighting and 'meetings’ and death, at least for the two of us- gives me new hope: Bella had been growing more and more unhinged in the weeks prior, neglecting herself and her hygiene as she fought more and more ruthlessly, truly turning into the Dark Lord’s right hand woman. As I return home on that day- my home now, too, although we are not legally married we are seen as an item, a union, by the people that matter- I am ready to be ignored once again or let another near-insane rant wash over me, half ignoring it while half hoping to hear something, anything useful for the Light- when instead, I find Bellatrix standing in the hallway, in front of the full length mirror and the picture of her mother that Bella had turned immobile as soon as her husband had died and no-one had been there to tell her not to anymore. When she notices me, she turns around, and I am gratified to see that for the moment, the mad glint in her eyes has gone. “Am I turning into her?” she asks, “Or into _him_?” and she doesn’t have to specify whom she means. She really does look a little like a mixture of the Dark Lord and her mother’s portrait now- the curls in disarray, the lines of a permanent half-grin-half-sneer on her face, the clothes of an Important Pure-Blood Woman with her own personal touches on her body, now torn and covered in enemies’ blood. “I don’t know” I say. “Isn’t he all you aspire to be?” I really wish I could talk freely with her in that moment. “I don’t know” she echoes. “I thought he would bring us power- I think he- _does something_ to me, sometimes.” at my alarmed look: “nothing- physical, not like that. But I get so- different, I don’t know how to think anymore- and he’s gone out of the country yesterday and suddenly I can _feel_ again, I remember _you_ again… and yet it’s still dulled! It’s like the only thing I can feel anymore is death!” she starts shouting in the end, and she is shaking as I draw her into my arms.

In 1979, my attention is devided threefold: keeping my cover amongst the monsters amongst which I live, communicating with and helping the Order and trying to find a cure for whatever has befallen Bellatrix. She really is the crazy person from the Stories, now, not changed by Azkaban the way I first thought but by Him. And she is not the only one: after careful deliberation, I can classify His followers in three ways: the ones that follow him absolutely willingly, either believing in his cause and in the fact that he truly believes in it, too (they tend to not have much brain and not live long, either) or because they see some personal gain in it, the way Lucius does, whom I am truly coming to hate; the ones who are bound to him by means of threat, not having anywhere else to go or through other people, like Narcissa is through Lucius, Bellatrix, and by proxy myself- and the ones that might turn from him- if he didn’t turn them evil and insane. It’s not the imperius- barely anyone is under the imperius curse, and never for long, it takes the entire mental focus of most people to make someone act convincingly human under the curse, so it is only used for specific missions when a specific person is needed to for example gain access to something or someone- I really have to wonder whether and if yes how, the fuck, people like Lucius would really be able to plead not guilty by claiming the curse in the future. No, Voldemort certainly has better things to do than using the curse himself and making his followers do it would keep the number of people who can actually work for him unchanged while also weakening their power. I work on magical theory, mind spells, potions and, on a hunch, soul magic- as I know Voldemort has made Horkruxes, it can be assumed that he has more expertise on this area as well, covertly contacting experts in different countries, and under a pen name befriending the magical theory expert of the United states, Melodenia. The friendship is a saving grace in these dark days- I barely manage to do anything to change the war, only hoping that my tips on locations of Horcruxes, Deatheater raids and Illegal shipments are helping the order at all and often cursing the fact that I ended up in the first wizarding war instead of the second, despite knowing that in that case, all the victims from the first war would already be dead.

In 1980, the next generation of Malfoys begins: on the fifth of June, Narcissa finally gives birth to an heir, a baby boy, Draco Malfoy. I am to be his godmother. At a Malfoy soirée held solely to show off their new heir, I am introduced to Severus Snape- still a child himself, really, finishing his mastery now at nineteen and having made quite a name for himself, in the potioneer world, leading to him being courted outright aggressively by the deatheaters, some going quite far to win him over in order to win themselves favor with the Dark Lord, Lucius Malfoy going the furthest: he has made him godfather of his son. I wonder what path Snape will chose, whether it can really be called making a decision at all. It doesn’t take long for me to find out…

Not much later that year, we gain another double spy: yes, Severus Snape. Dumbledore isn’t half as kind to him as he would have been, if I hadn’t been around- I’m the more valuable spy, Snape, who I have come to known as quite a Sad Boi ™ and honestly less evil than I would have expected from his description in the books and my interpretation of it. Despite Deatheaters trying to convince him to join them since his last two years at Hogwarts, he held out until he finished his Mastery, and even then only was with them for about a week. Yes, the prophecy about his friend Lily was what pushed him to leave, but even when he hears that yes, we know all about that already and got it covered, he doesn’t just fuck off again but sticks around to help instead, willing to work penance for ever helping the blood supremacists at all) won’t get into many of the high society functions I frequent because he’s a halfblood and also of lower social class.

The prophecy has been made as expected, and I am just glad that I have already tipped the Order off about Wormtails connections to low-level Deatheaters a year prior. I have no idea how deep in he had been at that point, but I know that he has been in contact with Lucius, and that together with the way his character betrayed the Potters in the books is enough for me to sell him out. The Potters go into hiding, and I expect them to live. I don’t see Harry Potter when he is born, and for a moment a thought flickers through my head: how funny, how detached my life in this story from its supposed protagonist.

But every person is the protagonist of their own story- and the Potter boy is just a baby, born to people I barely talked two sentences with privately.

I know, however, that Dumbledore wants the prophecy to play out, that he _wants_ Voldemort to mark Harry his equal. Can’t he just focus on taking down the guy himself, instead? Now I have to keep an eye on the old codger again, too. Not like I didn’t have enough to do already.

Later that year, the Dark Lord is growing uneasy when he can’t get to the Potters or the Longbottoms. He had focused on the Potters first, then switched to the Longbottoms when he couldn’t find them to at least get something done, and now… The man, if he can still be called one, is a dangerous, dangerous mess.

In a meeting of all Deatheaters and their spouses, I come face to face with the Dark Lord for the first time since I started my research into whatever is destroying my Bella’s very being: the- aura, or whatever it is, that is coming off the Dark Lord in waves is startingly similar to Bellatrix’ and the ones of the other people I identified to have the same problem- the one of the Dark Lord just happens to be a lot worse.

What is the one thing I know that Voldemort did to himself that could explain such an aura, such a way for a soul to project?

Horcruxes.

Horcruxes, plural- and one, I suppose, for each of his not-so-loyal followers he needed to bind to himself more properly.

I wonder, in a detached kind of way and hidden behind an occlumency shield of obedience and only half-faked devotion to Bellatrix, which objects he used for these Horcruxes, and where he keeps them.

Autumn and winter of 1980 were so busy for me, I barely had a moment of time to breathe. I heard that the order had destroyed several of Voldemorts’ Horcruxes without him noticing- the diadem, the locket and the ring (the latter, sadly, without it destroying Dumbledore’s hand and future)- and I was desperate to get my hands on one of the items myself to test several theories regarding soul-pieces, but Voldemort had yet to pass the diary to Lucius or the Cup to Bella, at least as far as I was aware. Did he only plan to part with them before moving in to kill the Potter boy, his predicted mortal enemy? Would he even part with them at all, if such an opportunity didn’t come to pass?

I did more theoretical research on the topic while also wondering about the actual Horcruxes. Were they significant objects like the ones he used for his own? Objects that somehow showed his followers’ status? Did that mean specific items or something like pebbles to show his superiority to them? Or, if the instances he created (or forced the respective followers to create?) the Horcrux were unplanned- and I was quite certain that he hadn’t planned it with Bella, he had done it when she was asking about forming a union with me, which must have come as a sincere surprise to him- did he just use some random object in the room, or did he keep something prepared around?

So many questions, no way to answer them.

Instead, I focused on the theory of the research, on whether I would need the objects to bring both soul parts back together or just the person, or just the horcrux, and whether the soul piece within a person actually died if the person was killed or just became diacorporeal… I started to believe (still mere theory, of course) that while it might make it easier, I didn’t necessary need the Horcrux if I managed to make the person want to fix their own soul (but I didn’t know whether _regret_ would work as a stimulus if the person had never actually _decided_ to make the Horcrux in the first place), that usually someone would die and leave only the Horcrux part of the soul behind as that one can’t be pulled from its object- unless the Horcrux partage was bigger than the killed part, which would make the pull stronger towards the Horcrux(es), keeping the last part on the mortal plane. Was that the reason why Voldemort had made so many Horcruxes, was he actually that clever, did he calculate the risk- or did he not understand souls at all and just thought the more the merrier?

Whenever I am alone with Bella, I try to talk to her, really connect to her again, and I believe that this connection to normalcy as well as any positive emotions I can make her feel seem to have a positive effect on at the very least her psyche if not also on her damaged soul.

A damaged soul would cloud someone’s mind, making them unable or at the very least less able to feel things the way they used to, making them detached from humanity, less afraid to take human life, not hurt when killing or torturing others… Of course, Voldemort was already deranged before he made any Horcruxes, so I had no idea how much his influences him if at all… And I hadn’t known Bella all that closely before she had had her soul split in two, so I couldn’t really tell what was her and what was the Horcrux’s influence, either. It disturbed me, to know that I didn’t truly know the woman I was all but married to for over two years now at all.

In March of 1981, Voldemort handed Bellatrix Hufflepuff’s Cup, to place in her vault in Gringotts and keep save there. Had I not been around, had Bellatrix been completely mad from her split soul, she would have done so without question. As it is, however, she went to Gringotts with the cup, placed it into her vault, left, went back immediately, took the cup, brought it to me and asked to be obliviated of all that happened after she first left the bank.

I hated having to do so to her, but I had also never been so proud.

Now, I have the cup, and I don’t quite know what to do with it. While I can feel the evil ooze off of it, I can’t tell it’s shape or consistency, how it would react to tests. I have written Melodenia again with several inquiries about soul magic and how to feel, to _see_ it the way natural aura seers can. While I am afraid that she might have already started to question how theoretic the nature of my inquiries is, I hope she knows that I am genuinely trying to do good, I hope she understands some of my position here, even if I have never told her my full story, not even in enchanted parchment or the few times we have chatted via fireplace.

In May, I receive an invitation to a research Congress by MACUSA, with personal recommendation from one Professor and Master of magical theory, Melodenia of Ilvermorny- and without a name written on it, it is for myself to fill out. She must have known that I was operating under an alias, which of course won’t work on such an official function. I decide almost immediately to attend, no matter the consequences: While I cannot wait to talk to her in person, away from prying eyes, I hate the attention it gains me from the Dark Lord and his followers. He knew, of course, that I had an interest in magical theory, but had thought it a little hobby of a Deatheater’s wife. Now, however… I am being informed that after that Congress, which I am not to attend alone, I am to share all my findings with him, and use my skills to develop spells suitable for war if I haven’t already done so.

I don’t know how he managed, but I am accompanied to the States by Severus Snape. Professor Snape, now- twenty-one years old, a double spy for the two most powerful wizards currently alive in Britain, a teacher barely respected by the students in his own house and loathed by everyone else, trying to cling to what authority he has as a professor by being as strict as he possibly can. He is not a pleasant man to be around, still constantly afraid for the life of his friend Lily, whom he has barely seen in the past years. I don’t know whether he loves her as a friend or is _in_ love with her, and I can’t bring myself to care.

On our way- after making sure that there are no tracking- or monitoring spells by either of our masters left on us or our luggage- we share news on Deatheater and Order business before comparing our research in magical theory and spell-crafting, which is Severus’ forte in theoretical magic. I don’t know how I had forgotten about it so far- he is always known as a potions master, but I should have remembered all the spells he had been mentioned to have created in the books. He tells me of several dangerous spells, ones newly created by him as well as old ones that had simply come to be forgotten, that the Dark Lord does not yet know of and that the Order already knows the counters for. If Voldemort is going to ask for results of my work, I will be able to deliver. I do not tell Snape about my research in soul magic, not trusting him not to immediately tell Dumbledore, no matter how bad the old man has treated him in the past.

Melodenia is waiting for us at the portkey point. When I indicate to Severus that I would like to be left alone with her, he smirks nastily. “I won’t tell anyone” he snarls before disappearing into the crowd with his cloak billowing behind him. I suppose he must think that I cannot stand being with a deatheater and have an affair with Melodenia instead. A laughable idea, even more so considering that Melodenia only seems to be interested in people insofar that they can help her research or carry it on into a new generation. Still- she is a friend, the closest one I have.

“Are you well, my old friend?” Melodenia asks. I wonder if she can see that I am older than I look through the soul-magic, and she laughs when I ask. “I didn’t even need to look at that” she says. “but- yes. Now, what _is_ going on on the British Isles that has you in such disarray?” sometimes, she sounds more Properly British than I do- I know English isn’t her first language, so I suppose it makes sense that she wouldn’t have to have an American accent. Now, what to tell her? I decide to, for once, trust somebody, and go with the truth- the entire truth.

After my speech, Melodenia is quiet for a long moment before pulling me into a hug. “I cannot help you with the problem of your traveling” she explains first. “I can’t tell whether you are from a different world or from a different time- although there us something about your aura that does say you do not belong _here_ , or have not always belonged here. I can try to find texts on your kind of travelling, but I do not expect to find much, and I do not know how much I could find out from your person when you aren’t already travelling away- in which case I would not want to come too near, I need to stay here with my students. Yes, I believe you could take someone with you on your travels” she answers my unasked question. “If you do so- please make sure to ask whether the person wants to leave their universe, and that they understand all that it entails.” I nod. Then, Melodenia moves on to the topics current more urgent to me: soul magic, and how to break it. “Fix it, you mean- souls shouldn’t be broken.”

Over the course of the long weekend, whenever we don’t absolutely have to attend a seminar, speech or evening social event, Melodenia teaches me how to manually soul-see, lay and break connections in soul magic (which- hella painful when tested on yourself, which is why we aren’t doing it on anyone else), the theory and praxis of soul-healing- “You should try to influence her now even if you do not plan to already bring the soul pieces back together,” she says about Bellatrix. “While from what you told me, she does not seem to be in danger of losing connection to the soul-piece entirely, there are other dangers: insanity, effects on the mind that, once completed and left alone for too long, get irreversible even if the soul pieces find back to one another. You must influence her with positivity- any positive emotions, as well as anything reminding her of life prior to the break, is healing for the soul.” -, as well as other things she believes might be useful for me in the future, including how to apparate to locations you haven’t been to yet: “In ‘normal’ apparition, the rule is to know exactly where you are going and only focus on this one location, with just slightly emphasis on getting your entire body there, as really, when you only want to go to one place, it automatically takes your entire body there, without splinching. When transporting yourself to an entirely new location or one you can’t quite visualize anymore, apparition is more vague location-wise- you might not end up exactly where you want to go, but when you keep your focus on your entire body and to move it to a place, instead of focusing on the place to move to, you will end up somewhere without splinching. It is good to get out of situations when you don’t have the power to apparate far and don’t know any points in the area, you could just think of a generic secluded ally, a roof, a beach, a field, and end up in any such location you have the power to reach. When you have greater power, of course, you have to make sure not to end up in an entirely different continent.”

On Monday, I leave with a newfound understanding of magical theory. I never realised how logical magic really is, when you only look deep enough. There are still things that seem strange to me, but I no longer think that it defies the laws of physics- it merely works with it in ways I hadn’t known about. About soul magic, Melodenia ends with the words: “And be careful whom you tell about this. Few people are well-versed in soul magic, and even fewer for the right reasons. Say, are you familiar with the non-magical atom bomb? Yes? It is based on a technology and research completely unrelated to such destruction, but that is still what it was used for. You cannot blame everyone in that field of research for the connection, but that is the stigma they are going to face. It is similar when it comes to soul-magic. It can be used in healing ways, to help with trauma or to connect two people in love. But the only soul-magic many old wizarding families have heard of are dementors, horcruxes and soul-crushers, if they know about soul-magic at all. Be careful- not just regarding what they might do with it, but what they might believe you want to do with it, and what they would do to you to stop you.”

When I leave for the portkey point with Snape, once again, as my escort in public, and turn around to wave at Melodenia, I am torn: I’m am sad to leave my friend and our research behind- yet I cannot wait to hold Bellatrix in my arms again.

Back in Europe, I get ready to make new experiments while I also wait for all of Tom Riddle’s horcruxes to be killed by the Order (I can’t bear to call him the Dark Lord in my head, and I am afraid to think of him as Voldemort, afraid of what it would do should I accidentally say it out loud one day).

In September of 1981, my research and soul-magic training is coming to a close, and I believe that I will have more time than I could possibly need with how slow the hunt for further Horcruxes is going, so when Bellatrix asks me to attend the annual Malfoy Yule Ball with her- “And not just to show our faces for half a minute, either, I want to _dance_!”- I readily accept. She smiles brightly- my positive influence seems to work, she thawed immensely from when I arrived back in England to now- and we kiss. It has been a long time that we have kissed in private, just kissed.

It is on this very Yule ball that my careful plans of only moving on to fixing the souls of his followers when Riddle is most vulnerable are wrecked and my hand is forced: my positive influence on Bella really is already working and more so than expected. I only get a moment of warning when her aura shifts- her soul wants to reconnect- and she goes down with a pained cry I stifle with a muffliato.

It had to happen at Malfoy Manor, the one place it shouldn’t, always filled by Deatheaters and high society that even frequented by Voldemort… I am lucky to get Bella into a private room- Lucius’ study- with minimal attention, only Narcissa noticed and actually helps, afraid for her sister, understanding that something is wrong.

Inside, Bella collapses, I don’t even manage to get her into the armchair, she just falls to the floor, clinging to me desperately, afraid for her life. My ears are ringing with fear- this isn’t how it was supposed to go, I’m not prepared, I don’t know how to help her- Bellatrix whispers something, and for a moment I think I didn’t understand her right. “Love you.” she coughs out. “Didn’t say it before, but-” “You’re not going to die.” I hiss. “Bella, you’re not going to die, and we are going to fucking _talk_ when this is all over.” she laughs even when her eyes roll back in her head in pain. “You don’t have to say it back if you don’t-” I take the chain with the promise ring on my neck and press it to her skin. “That’s not what I’m saying at all. You-”

“What are you doing?!” Narcissa must have seen me pressing the metal to her sister’s neck and come to the wrong conclusion. She’s pointing her wand at me, but I don’t even bother to disarm her, instead dangling the chain with the ring in her face. “Nothing but reminding her to live!”

With a shaky breath, Narcissa lowers her wand. I hadn’t expected her to trust me so quickly, but maybe she’s just that rattled. “Then what?? What happened? Has she been poisoned? Do I need to get Severus? Do I-” “No.” I say. “We need to-”

Before I can finish the sentence, Lucius enters, and I stupefy him without waiting for him to talk. I like Narcissa well enough, but I can’t stand her husband, and I won’t be taking any chances now. Open-mouthed, Narcissa quickly closes the door, pushing Lucius’ foot out of the way- I’m glad, thinking that she doesn’t much seem to care for him- when she bends down, checking for his pulse, making sure he is alright with a kind of urgency… I squint- and notice a dark connection between them literally binding her to him. Not soul-magic, but she probably can’t kill or actively oppose him without being in terrible pain. A kind of vow? A problem for later.

“Narcissa?” I speak up. “ _You_ need to do a round of the party now so as not to draw suspicion. Lucius will be unharmed when you return.” still unconscious, though, hopefully, I think while I tie the man up for good measure. Narcissa nods shakily, gets her appearance in order and disappears.

Once I am alone with her, I set to work getting Bella’s soul reconnected to itself. Like in delirium, I weave healing spells over healing spells while whispering sweet nothings in her ear, hoping she will hear it, hoping she will be herself again when it is all over… Bella screams, and I put up a new muffliato, cursing myself for not thinking about it earlier and hoping that no-one has heard or thought anything of it. Lucius wakes and I stun him again before he can say anything. Then I focus on Bellatrix, lighting up the essence of a soul with a spell Melodenia taught me so I can see what is going on- and I gasp. It’s like her soul is stretched thinly between herself and the horcrux, wherever it is. Without the preparative spells, her soul is yanking at it in uncontrolled bursts, getting more of her soul back but also stretching the connecting piece way too thinly… Biting the inside of my cheek, I focus on her soul and dive into the world of soul magic.

There is so much pain. I wonder how Bella hasn’t given up on life yet if this is what she is feeling right now. Distantly, I feel tears in my eyes while I let my magic move further along her soul strand, towards the Horcrux, a burning piece of dark magic- I really hope the Dark Lord isn’t keeping this anywhere near him, there is no way he won’t feel what I am about to do otherwise. And there is no way I will delay this to find out.

With a black-hot shock wave, the Horcrux explodes from the inside out.

Screaming, I fall back, my magic lashing out as I try to get rid of that tainted spell it touched. Now, I’m glad I only did this for her and didn’t try to cut all deatheaters lose at once, even better prepared that would have been a nightmare. I don’t blame Melodenia for not telling me that, though- there’s no way she could have known, she never tried to split her soul in two before, after all.

Drawing in ragged breaths, I sit up, my hand fluttering over Bella’s still form at its own volition. Why isn’t she waking? Her body is unharmed, and her soul is there, I can feel it- oh. Now that I am really looking, I notice that there are still streaks of magic, of curses in someone else’s magical signature surrounding her. I hadn’t noticed it before due to the nature of the Horcrux connection, but now it is obvious: her Dark Mark, connected directly to the Dark Lord. Either Riddle noticed, or there is a failsave, because now that the Horcrux is gone, something is happening- and I can’t stop it. I _could_ , but with how weak I am now, the curse would just burn through me should I lift it. While I truly love Bellatrix, I am not ready to die in her stead. I have to think quickly-

In that moment, Narcissa returns, and I am reminded of the connection she has to that evil husband of hers, who is still in the room… “Please tell me you do not actually care for Lucius Malfoy.” Narcissa opens her mouth to speak, but chokes on her own words. I nod. As I thought. With quick, slashing spells I end the Vow or whatever it was that kept her bound to him. She collapses as if her strings are cut, but I don’t take the time to make sure she is alright- instead turning to Lucius: “Imperio.”

Through Lucius’ eyes, the magic looks different, as if he can’t quite tell what is good and what is bad. Maybe good and bad are just defined entirely differently to him. With my theoretical knowledge, I still find the curse again- and when I force Lucius to ignore the pain, the burning, I keep looking and find more than just that. An entire network of curses, leading from Deatheater to Deatheater to Voldemort. Not all of them are connected, at least not equally so, there seems to be a second network only slightly touching the first, but still- I can take down many Death Eaters in one go with this. I just have to make sure I don’t kill Bellatrix in the process. 

The connection of the Marks is a literal maze. Getting Bella free is still my priority, and as soon as I identify hers, I start to first push back the magic that is seeping into her, and, when I hear her gasp as she comes awake, one by one destroy the connections she has to the others. 

Bellatrix is free. I only take a moment to blink from my Imperius-Lucius-view to make sure she is alright- Narcissa is with her, of course, the other woman had never taken the Mark so she should be fine now- before diving back into the Maze of Dark Marks, getting right in the middle of it and destroying the curse from the inside out. Lucius screams despite the Imperius curse when the Dark Lord’s magic is burning his hands before his own Dark Mark explodes, taking his entire arm with him- he doesn’t have to live that way for long as the magic seeping through the maze tears him apart. Throwing up a shield, I banish his body and all magic it carries to go Merlin-knows-where.

The Dark Marks are gone. the Horcruxes remain. Can I get them the same way I got the Marks? 

Leaning down briefly to kiss Bella’s forehead and stroke her cheek, I stumble to the door, opening it a fraction to look out. The party is in disarray, many have felt the change in the Mark. I see Nott and Avery stumbling against each other a few metres away- easy targets, them. I imperio Avery first, and then I have _him_ imperio Nott- now Nott is the only one who can still use his magic for anything but holding up the imperius curse. Didn’t I already mention that this curse is stupid? But in this case, it would help me. letting Avery and Nott walk into the middle of the room, I then let Nott walk further, waiting for- ah! Sabina, a woman I am quite certain is an illegitimate half-blood instead of the pure blood she claims, and definitely affected by a Horcrux. Nott- or rather his body, lead by Avery’s curse and my command- walks into her, touches her arm as if to steady her- and then his magic is reaching into her soul. Feeling along the link towards the Horcruxes. Yes, there are more soul-pieces closeby, I can reach them- I don’t know whether this means that the Horcruxes are physically close together or just that they have been forged by the same hand, souls work in funny ways sometimes, after all. I don’t much care either way, just commanding Avery to command Nott to destroy them all- and then break the connection of the imperius while Avery passes on the command. 

If the way Sabina stumbles while Nott screams and burns and Avery falls to his knees is any indication, it must have worked.

I hurry back into the study, to Narcissa and Bellatrix. “Are you alright??” I ask, kneeling down next to Bella “Yes.” she coughs out, but I can see the fear and confusion in her eyes. “Are you?” she adds. I just nod, pressing my forehead to hers, just breathing for a while. “What in the stars names _was_ that?” Narcissa’s shout breaks our moment of peace. Huh. I didn’t realise she could screech like that. And I don’t think she knows _any_ real curse words. With a sigh, I get up, pulling Bellatrix to her feet, too.

“Your soul fixed itself” I tell Bella. “It- I had noticed a while ago that something was wrong with it, and suspected the Dark Lord might be behind it. I was still doing research, I nearly had it- and then today, it just started to fix itself, well, I helped it along a bit when I noticed that it had started. What I saw confirmed that it was Riddle by the way- the Dark Lord, I mean. I also broke the hold he had over you through the Dark Mark, oh, and Lucius’ hold on Narcissa. Well, pretty sure he’s dead now anyway.” I sum up what had happened. Both stare at me, completely baffled. Feeling uneasy, I shift from one leg to the other. “So. Are you two ready to break with Voldemort and all his beliefs?”

Bellatrix is startled into a laugh. “I think we already did that quite thoroughly…” she snorts out.

Narcissa looks at her as if she has gone insane- then pales. “Draco! I have to- if someone notices-” Oh. I had completely forgotten about the kid. Not my proudest moment. “Uh, you hadn’t left him with someone who’s Marked, have you?” Now, both look at me like I’m insane. “You think anyone that high up would bother to play nursemaid??” Bellatrix asks. “Not even I would bother- no offense, sister.” “None taken.” Narcissa says curtly. “Now, I am going to get my son, and then- and then-” “I know where we can go” I say, feeling slightly sorry to force her out of her own home, but we really better move now- although really I should feel more sorry for the Order for having to put up with the three of us now. “If you are ready to leave not just the Dark Lord but blood supremacy in general behind, too, that is.” Bella just shrugs. “’s long as you’re there…” we smile at each other, and then I have to look away as I remember that I can’t really promise that, that I have no idea how long I still have in this world. Shaking myself from these depressing thoughts, I swipe Tom Riddle’s diary from Lucius’ cabinet before leaving the room.

Narcissa goes to collect Draco from his nurse in the private chambers, and Bella and I disillusion each other, then lean against the corridor wall, hexing whoever comes past and doesn’t look too friendly. Deatheaters, general scumbags, oh, Fenrir Greybag, that one I stun and disillusion, too. Might be a good present for the order, or something, showing that I don’t want them to just pardon all former bad guys. It doesn’t get to that, however, when one of the Carrows- Amycus? I honestly can’t tell under the robes and the blood- realises where our jinxes are coming from and tries to fight back, sending a killing curse- well, moving Greyback in the way of that was self defense, really. And it’s not like anyone’s going to spill any tears over it. Carrow moves in for another blow- and is taken down from behind.

“Fuck, I’ve always wanted to do that.”

A young man stands behind him, wand dangling from his hand, dark hair in disarray and a bloody nose. For a moment, he looks exactly like Sirius Black, but then I recall: this is Regulus! I didn’t even know that he was still alive… His name had been on a lost of people I had planned to save, back in the very beginning when I arrived in this world. But then I didn’t know when exactly it would happen to save him myself, and I had no information to prove his innocence or reform to the Order… Of course, the Order had found the locket earlier than him because of me. Did he go there, see it was gone and disappear again instead of drinking the poison? Or did he never try to leave the Deatheaters at all? The way he had just taken down one of Voldemorts’ henchmen just because, in the current chaos, he had been able to, made me believe otherwise.

Disillusioning myself (and throwing up a shield at the same time, I’m not stupid), I stepped forward. “Regulus Black, is it not?” “Who wants to- oh, you’re Bella’s girl, aren’t you?” my eye twitched at being called anyone’s girl, but I ignored it for now. “Are you done being a pawn for the Dark Lord?” He blinked. Then actually laughed. “You know- yes. Why, are you leaving your wife behind? Wait, are you the reason for all this chaos?” “We are.” Bella stepped forward too, and in the same moment, Narcissa came hurrying up behind us, baby Draco in her arms. Regulus stared at us for a moment, then started to laugh again. I see how he’s related to Sirius. “You know- yes, whatever this is, I’m in.”

I look at Narcissa. “Have you ever been to Tinworth?” If I apparate the four of us all the way there, I wouldn’t have the power left to defend Bellatrix should it come to a conflict. Thankfully, everyone knows the village, Narcissa disapparating with Draco first, then Regulus, than me with Bellatrix although she insists that she is fine. We apparate to the east of the town, regroup and I apparate us to the closed off partage in front of the cottage that I had insisted on- it is not under the fidelius, so one can take others there, but it’s protected by enough spells that new members can be read into the Secret without the possibility of anyone seeing and attacking. My past paranoia and overthinking comes in handy now. Letting the others stand behind me after telling them to watch each others backs and call for me should anyone show up, I move to open the door, knowing that I will disappear from their view as soon as I’m in the doorstep. I don’t want to leave Bella alone, but this is the easiest way to prove that I am myself and not someone under polyjuice who doesn’t know the Secret.

“Hello?” I call out. “Anybody home?”

I end up in the middle of an informal Order meeting- just a dinner, I suppose, but it looks like a meeting to me as I have only seen these people at Order meetings in the past years.

“What are you doing here?” Sirius asks, in a mixture of confusion, anger (at the world in general and because he can’t visit his best friend all the time, being his secret keeper) and happiness (because I was a distraction from anger and frustration?).

“I- something happened. V- _the Dark Lord_ ,” I catch myself, being around them almost made me forget the danger of that name, “he had some of his followers under a kind of mind control- I broke it, and there was chaos, and a few death eaters died- you can put Malfoy and Greyback on that list, one of the Carrows too I think, and Nott and Avery were in pretty bad shape last I’ve seen- and-” “Malfoy him or Malfoy her?” Sirius asks. I want to raise an eyebrow, say ‘I didn’t know you cared’, but then I catch the way he is looking in the direction of the kitchen. Oh. Andromeda. I hadn’t realised she was around. “Just him” I quickly explain. “Actually, that’s another thing- I didn’t exactly come here alone…”

There is definitely a lot of shouting involved, and I am just about ready to run outside, grab Bella and get away from here, when Andromeda stomps out of the kitchen and past everyone to open the door. Suddenly, it’s very silent in the living room.

“Narcissa.” Andromeda says, her voice cold but her resolve to stay that way definitely wavering. “And- Bella, you too? Regulus??”

“What?!” Sirius pushes her out of the way to see his younger brother. “Reg?! What the fuck?! Wait, you were under mind control??”

“Uh, no, actually” Regulus winces, scratches his head, taking an involuntary step back. “Really just didn’t know how to get out, at this point… Did try to do some shit, but someone had gotten there before me, and then I kinda didn’t have the energy to try again…” Sirius groans and shakes his head at him. “Fucking Slytherins…” “He took down Carrow” Bella interrupts. There’s definitely some pride for her cousin in her voice. “You what?”

Interrupting before this gets more chaotic than necessary, I explain: “Actually, out of the three, only Bella was under the mind control. There were others, I have a few suspicions but nothing confirmed. Narcissa was magically bound to her husband in some way, but- well, he’s dead now.” no need going into the fact that I broke the connection beforehand. People know of your power- people want you to use it. Bad enough I can’t pretend like I didn’t do the rest- but, if I play it right, maybe it’ll just look like it was another Dark Mark related thing instead of soul magic. As long as Bella and Narcissa play along… I curse myself for talking so openly earlier. Heat of the moment…

“And- what? We’re supposed to believe that they are just immediately reformed?” Andromeda snaps, pulling me from my thoughts. “In case you have forgotten all about it, my dear sisters never stood up for me when I was cast out, and I’m fairly certain they weren’t under any mind control then!” I pinch my neck. “Andromeda” I say, holding up a hand to silence her as well as her sisters. “They would have just been cast out too if they had tried to help you, what did you expect? They’re Slytherins, some healthy egoism is in their blood! And-” I take a deep breath- “yes, they grew up around blood supremacy ideology and probably never questioned it much, but tell me- if you hadn’t fallen in love with Ted, if you hadn’t had any _reason_ to question it yourself, would you have acted any different than them?” Andromeda is silent, and I sigh. “Yes, they aren’t perfect people, but they are ready to act against the Dark Lord, and isn’t that all we need to know right now? You don’t need to get on, but we can’t afford to be picky with our allies at the moment.”

Andromeda nods, stares at her sisters for a long moment and turns around to disappear in the house. In that moment, however, Regulus cries out and lands on his knees, hand pressing against his arm. I curse. “Fuck!” I should have thought of that, I should have _anticipated_ that and done something about it! Of course, the second maze of dark marks hadn’t been broken, and Regulus hadn’t been part of the first…

Bending down to get a better look at it, I am appalled: this isn’t just a second round of the same thing, but a new, terrifying curse instead. This isn’t just meant to curse pain and summon people, this is-

Breaking away from the magic with a gasp, I sit back and disarm him, then grasp Regulus’ face, force him to look into my eyes. “The Dark Lord can control you through that” I hiss. “And it isn’t- it isn’t like the others, and I don’t have _time_ , he’s going to act, he might try to take over your body- the only way to get rid of it I can think of is to get rid of the arm. Regulus?” He stares at me, shell-shocked and still obviously in pain. Then he presses out: “Do it.”

I turn around to the others, looking for help. “Does anyone- he’ll need medical attention at least-” “I’m getting Pomfrey!” Dädalus Diggle squeaks out and disapparates. I wince. Pomfrey means Dumbledore. Well, best get it all over with. I turn around to Regulus- only to find him staring back with unseeing eyes. Fuck. He turns on the spot, trying to apparate- and falls on his face. Thank Fuck has I thought to disarm him. It’s easy to tie him up now, and he doesn’t seem to be properly possessed by anything that could talk- Voldemort probably just sent out a generic 'come home’ signal.

“What’s happening to him?” Sirius shouts behind us, alarmed. “The fuck did she just say was happening” Bella hisses at him, and I smile at her protectiveness of me. Whatever else happens, I think we can figure out the thing between us.

The _cracks_ of apparition around us alert us of the arrival of newcomers, and we all immediately raise our wands in defence- it’s Dumbledore, Mad-Eye, McGonnagall and Pomfrey (do they hang out for tea together, or what?), but I don’t lower my defence immediately. “How many stories does the house behind us have?” I hiss. “Two” Dumbledore answers calmly. “It is really just us. Now, what is going on her?” “Constant vigilance!” Mad-Eye booms “She has it right! All of you, lowering your wands like little-” “Alastor!” McGonnagall interrupts him indignantly. In that moment, Dädalus arrives, carrying an assortment of medical equipment and potions bottles. Pomfrey steps forward to take some of them of him. “I was told there would be a patient?”

“Not yet” I say, nodding to Regulus. “But could we maybe move inside first?” that leads to another discussion ultimately abandoned for the moment when Regulus starts to twitch and I can see the curse slowly flickering past his elbow…

Mad-Eye is the one to do the actual amputating, and while I don’t understand that choice, I believe in Pomfrey’s judgement, and I’m glad it doesn’t have to be me. Somehow, blood and open wounds in a medical environment are just more bile-inducing than in battle. Plus, it means I can be there for Bella when the continues discussion amongst the people not involved in the amputating turns back to what to do and where to go. We can’t exactly keep standing just outside of the Fidelius property forever.

“Oh, for god’s sake!” I finally hiss- for a moment then, I am afraid because I used a muggle idiom, but then I remember where I am. I turn to Dumbledore. “Let’s use your pensive. You can tell when a memory has been tampered with, can’t you? Let’s go.” Mad-Eye comes with us, and the five of us apparate to the Hogwarts gates. It is the first time I actually see the castle. It is, somehow, both more and less impressive than expected. Narcissa is the first Dumbledore asks for her memories. They are a jumbled mess of colours and shock and _fear_ , neatly highlighting the scene where she _has_ to check on Lucius when he is unconscious, not revealing much about my actions apart from the fact that I used an imperius on Malfoy. Dumbledore raises an eyebrow at that, but he doesn’t comment, and Mad-Eye just snorts: “Had it commin’!” Bellatrix’ memory is first even more jumbled than Narcissa’s, darkness of hatred clouding thoughts and judgement, only to go over in sharp, clear pain when her soul is healing herself. She doesn’t show the scene of me telling them about soul-magic, either. Then I show my recap- how Bellatrix first changed after going to a meeting with Voldemort, how others had similar changes or behaviors, how Bellatrix collapsed under some outside influence- then back to how Narcissa never seemed to like her husband, how I cut the connection to him, and finally how, through Lucius’ eyes under the imperius, I broke the connect of the Dark Mark to Voldemort. Dumbledore and Mad-Eye seem to buy that as the full story. After each taking a magicians’ oath not to knowingly and actively aid Voldemort in any way (I demanded the phrasing instead of a vow not to act against the Order. That had too much room for complications), they were given the Secret of Tine Cottage, and we went back to Headquarters.

Just as Regulus is sitting down on the chair next to sirius, one cursed arm lighter and a grim expression on his face, Snape stumbles in- and it is that stumbling that saved him, because instantly, Mad-Eye, McGonnagal and I all have our wands pointed at him. The others would have probably just kept them pointing in threat, but I immediately disarm and stun him. “What-” squeaks Dädalus. I shake my head, walk over, kick away his wand and cast a diagnostic. I shiver. I might not like the man that much, but he doesn’t deserve this. “It’s the same as Regulus” I say slowly. “Only I don’t think it’s on his arm… The tattoo on his arm is empty, it must have been one of the ones I destroyed… This one is on his chest, over his heart.” McGonnagal gasps in shock. I had heard that she and Snape are something like friends, now, or at least good colleagues, despite her having been his teacher not too long ago. I feel sorry for her.

“What can we do?” Regulus asks, staring at the pale form of Snape on the ground. I realise that he must have just found out that Snape isn’t on Voldemort’s side. “Right now, we have to make sure he can’t move or talk, no matter what the Dark Lord wants him to do. Madam Pomfrey?” She sets to work putting Snape into a magically induced coma. I am thinking hard now. “Dumbledore- can you be sure that your Fidelius holds when Riddle possibly saw every last thought in Snape’s head?” “The Fidelius is a charm of-” “I don’t need a lesson, I need an answer!” I hiss. Some of the others are clearly distraught by the way I am talking to their leader, as if they don’t remember that it was the same way before I went undercover. “…rest assured, it will hold.” Dumbledore answers. “Now, my dear, I believe we have to have a discussion long overdue- while I am gratified to hear that Tom is weakened, your rash actions have put many at risk, including Severus here. And of course, the use of the Imperius curse-”

I explode, barely hearing how Mad-Eye grumbles about the unforgivable curses being legal for aurors at wartime. “Oh _shut up!_ ” I shout. “Shut up with your holier than thou attitude, and don’t you dare talk down to me again calling me your 'dear’! I had acted immediately because it was already happening, you saw the damn memory, you saw how Bella collapsed, but I suppose I should have just left her to die 'for the greater good’! And don’t pretend to even care about Severus, you wouldn’t even have let him join the Order if we hadn’t talked you into it, after all you already had your spy! And don’t think I didn’t notice how you didn’t even care to mention Regulus- he’s sitting here and missing an arm! And the goddamn imperius curse was fucking necessary to break the curse in the marks, plus it’s not like I could have let Lucius go otherwise, anyway, yes maybe there would have been a better way but not in that moment when I didn’t have any time! And _don’t you dare pretend you have never done something questionable!_ I know your history maybe better than anyone else in this room apart from yourself, or _including_ if you’ve deluded yourself well enough! So be damn. Fucking. Careful what you say to me.” panting, I sit down, and feel Bellatrix grabbing my shoulder in support. Mad-Eye slides over a glass of whiskey. There’s a glint in his eyes as if he’s glad to see Dumbledore taken down a notch- funny, I would have thought he was an Albus Dumbledore fanclub fanatic. But I detect no poison in the alcohol, so I down it. Needed that right now.

Dumbledore is silent. Everyone is, really. I sigh. While I’m glad the old man is shutting up for a moment, we still have a war to plan.

“How many of the- _items_ regarding Riddle’s downfall have already been collected, and how many more do you think there are?” McGonnagall says. 'Items’, really? What, does she think we’re all going to turn into vicious crazed murderers to split our own soul if we find out what Horcruxes are? “You got three, right?” I ask. I got Hufflepuff’s cup from Bella- uh, you probably don’t remember that anymore, you asked to be obliviated afterwards-“ "I remember leaving it in Gringotts like he asked, despite my- doubts-…” Bella murmurs. I can’t help it, I grin proudly. “You got back into the bank immediately after, got the cup and asked to be obliviated of anything after you first left the bank. Terribly clever, that!” “Wait, was that while she was under the mind control thingy?” Sirius asks, and Regulus leans forward too, probably personally interested. I grimace. “The control she was under wasn’t as- explicit- as the one you experienced. It wasn’t like she was possessed, she was still herself for the most part, just- more open to murder and serving the Dark Lord unconditionally, basically… And she was already fighting it.” then I remember something: “Oh! Wow, how the heck I managed to forget about this I don’t even know” I exclaim, then mutter: “it’s oozing evil so you’d think I’d’ve noticed, but I guess there’s been too much of that today…” I pull Tom Riddle’s diary out if my coat pocket, only touching it with my sleeve. “Number five! Got it from Lucius Malfoy’s study. And- I don’t actually think there are currently any others? If V- _He_ gets a familiar, we should make sure to kill that too, in case he’s twisted enough to try something on a living thing, but otherwise…” silence falls in the room. Then, excited chattering from just about everyone. Despite myself, I have to grin, too, and reach up to squeeze Bella’s hand that’s still on my shoulder. The war is coming to a close.

Remus Lupin- the only spy we have left- arrives to report that the werewolves are in disarray, and while them not having a leader isn’t an ideal state re: not killing anyone on the full moon, it’s still definitely better than being lead by Greyback, who would have them kill on purpose. Also, not many of them are going to follow Voldemort- apparently, the Deatheater liaisons just stopped showing up. That’s something. Are other Deatheaters just disappearing, too? Fleeing or dead? I wonder. And I propose an idea: to lure out Voldemort and all his followers for one big final battle to get rid of them all with a bang. Because while getting rid of the Dark Lord himself is the main goal, I’m afraid many if the Deathesters aren’t quite as worshipful of him as they might have been in the distant future- they still see an organization that he happens to be the leader of, not a philosophy that stands and falls with him. If we take him out, what says another won’t take over? “We know he has less people in his ranks than before, possibly less than he knows, probably less than the followers he still does have know- he wouldn’t tell them that their position is weakened. If we can lure his army somewhere into the open- a field, or even Hogwarts grounds as long as the school is still closed- we can disappear in his army, dressed as Deatheaters ourselves, and take them out from within before it can even come to an attack” I suggest.

That leads to another great discussion, but in the end my idea is accepted. Which leads the question: how do we lure him out, what do we use as bait? “I have the full prophecy of which he only knows half.” Dumbledore tells us. “What prophecy?” “Prophecy, what prophecy?” oh, how nice to see that his people are always fully informed of what’s going on. Not. An explanation (and a lot of sneering about wanting the prophecy to come true from my side to Dumbledore, which leads to Sirius and Remus getting mad at him too in defense of their godson) later, Narcissa asks: “But how do we get the Dark Lord to go after it?” before immediately blushing, looking down and wanting to disappear. It’s the first time she has said anything in this meeting. “We could use Snape” Bella chimes in. I grin. “That’s a grand idea- he knows Snape’s a spy and undoubtedly also who he is with, he’s going go keep trying to look through his eyes… If, the next time Pomfrey would have to renew the coma spells, we just chain him to the bed instead and let him wake, we can have people visit him- several, to make it more believable, with most just there to talk to Snape and try to talk him out of his mind control- but me, or one of you two- or Regulus, too- we could go in to speak to Voldemort through him, to taunt him, to make it seem like we think we’ve already won because of what the prophecy said…”

Getting Voldemort to bite is disgustingly easy. We put Snape in a hospital bed in Hogwarts to make sure Voldy will come to the right location, then Dumbledore comes to talk to Severus about fighting the evil within while completely ignoring all that Tom has to say to the topic- next is Lily, who has a pretty good fake cry, pretending that she wants her best friend back while of course the true reason is for old Morty to see her at Hogwarts- if the prophecy isn’t enough, the prospect of getting to the Potters _and_ the prophecy might do. And then, entry Bella, laughing mean and half-crazed about what she has heard about the prophecy the Dark Lord was so in love with, and that he would never get to rule ever again because he was stupid enough to believe half-knowledge was enough, and that little attacks by his followers were getting him anywhere, how good for us it was that he holed up his own power in a cave to rot. Yeah, Voldy-Snape snarled pretty impressively when she left the room, I’m kind of sorry for the state of Snape’s teeth from all that grinding them.

Meanwhile, we have copied Death Eater masks and cloaks while also managing go get in contact with a few of the others I had suspected to be under 'mind control’. Arleen Singer, Corban Yaxley, Sabina Frey… Sabina has scars on her face she hadn’t had when I had last seen her, and a part of me feels guilty for not making sure that she got out of Malfoy Manor safely- on the other hand, I’m just glad the scars aren’t on mine of Bellatrix’ faces.

On the day of the battle, everything feels rather anticlimactic. We had all preparations ready days before, having hurried not knowing when Voldemort would come, and even though he comes in the dead of night, many are already awake and the rest do wake when the first alarm is triggered. We move, silent and disillusioned until we reach our location, into the rows of death eaters and the rest of the Dark Lord’s followers. We had decided to go in pairs, to pre-decided locations far enough apart that the stunning spell-bombs we have won’t reach the other pairs. There was much discussion about what to do about Voldemort, now that he is most likely mortal, too, and in the end Mad-Eye ended the discussion by stating that as an Auror, he has a kill order on that man, and he won’t do anything less. Dumbledore isn’t happy about it, but he doesn’t need to be. Squeezing Bella’s hand under our Death-eater robes, I wait for the signal. It’s pretty obvious when it happens- green light where Voldemort stood in the middle of his army, two flashes- one for the snake, one for the man. Then green sparks, the all clear.

Voldemort has fallen.

The Dark Lord is no more.

There will be time for relief later, now I have to move: I activate the ring of the spell-bomb in my hand, aiming away from us, while Bella does the same. As soon as the chaos starts, we scream as if surprised and run forward- past the line that ends the area that is going to trap the Deatheaters. Once we are past it, we pretend to be caught as if by invisible strings- as if this is the dangerous area, and not the one the Deatheaters are already on. The few others who weren’t hit stumble back, afraid, and the two who do move forward past the line are caught by actual spells when they don’t pretend to be caught to indicate that they belong to us.

Counting the figures with their hands in the air in the position as arranged, I smile when I see that we all made it back out alright. Raising my hand and shooting green sparks in the air, the rest of our team raise the anti-apparition, anti-magic in general wards on the area the Death eaters are on, plus physical shields not only surrounding the area but also in partages, in case one of them goes on a rampage he won’t be able to get to everyone of them now. Deatheater or not, those people should get a trial now that the war is over. McGonnagall sends a patronus to the ministry, and Mad-Eye goes to collect more Aurors.

I don’t stay to find out what happens next. My part is done here.

In the Great Hall in Hogwarts, breakfast is layed out. I sigh as we enter, leaning into Bellatrix, finally able to relax somewhat. Bella smiles, then slowly walks over towards the Slytherin table, stroking her hand over the old wood. What memories is she thinking on? “What would your house be?” she asks me instead. “I know you were never sorted.” I frown. I had never given this much thought. During the war, I had done many things one could call stupidly brave, but I hadn’t done them out of chivalry or to prove that I wasn’t afraid. Many actions were, of course, means to an end, calculating in Slytherin ways… And I had had to be clever, and I valued intelligence. But then again… “The sorting hat usually decides what house you are at eleven” I muse. “Had I been sorted at that age, I would have undoubtedly been a Slytherin, angry at my fate, at the world, ready to do just about anything to anyone to get what I wanted. Then throughout my life, however… I did things that fit in all four houses. Maybe not Gryffindor, at the very least less. But at the moment, what I would choose, or what the hat might choose for me based on my values? Hufflepuff. Kindness, loyalty, we need more of that in this fucked up world.”

The war is over. The last deatheaters rounded up by the ministry, blood-supremacy forbidden as hate speech.

Bellatrix and I have moved into her house again, spending the time cleaning out the evil and dangerous artefacts, getting close again over shared laughter and shared tears. And I still have many things I need to tell her.

“Bella?” I ask, standing in the doorway to the living room, hands folded behind my back to stop myself from fidgeting. “Yes?” she looks up from her novel- another of the non-magical sci-fi or detectives chose your own adventure stories she has taken to lately- and puts it down when she sees my serious expression. “What is it?”

I have decided to start at the most obvious, work my way up. “I’m mudblood.” Bella blinks. “I think you just broke that no hatespeech law.” Well, whatever I had expected her to react like, it wasn’t that. “…what.” “I mean, yeah, I already thought you might be muggleborn- first in a new magical line or whatever- is there anything else?” she has laughter in her eyes. I stare at her. “Uh. Actually, yes, there is something else, but I didn’t expect you to take the first part so well.” Bella grins. “Well, at the beginning when you joined us, people did discuss the possibility of you being a mudblood spy for the light- you’re definitely a spy for the light, so…” I have to laugh, and Bella jumps up from her armchair to kiss the laughter from my face.

After a few long moments, I step back, catching my breath. “There really is something else I need to tell you, though.” “…you sound serious?” “This isn’t something you could have guessed so easily.”

We sit down and I tell her my entire life story. About the moving, the loneliness, the fact that I could barely control it. That I had only moved into the past so far, but didn’t know whether it was truly time travel or a switching of dimensions, of universes or timelines. I ended with “I can already feel the pull towards a new life forming. I could- at least, I think I could, I never tried to do it for very long before- fight the pull my entire life, but it would be painful, and I doubt I would be able to use much magic when my power is focused on it. Other than that- I could either go alone, or try to take you with me.”

Bella gapes at me and I wince. For a moment, I think Bellatrix is going to ask whether I’ve turned insane. Then she snaps her mouth shut and her gaze turns contemplative. “You would be in pain.” “If I stayed? Most definitely.” “And you can’t even say for sure that you could stay.” “The longest I tried in the past was a few weeks, to settle my affairs…” “And if you suddenly can’t manage to stay anymore, you probably wouldn’t be able to bring me along?” “I- uh. I suppose not. Maybe, if we stayed close? I- I have to admit, I’m not a hundred percent certain I can take you along at all, but it _should_ be able to take you the same way I took items in the past, by touch like with apparition or a portkey…” Bellatrix thinks about this. Does she want me to try to stay- while always staying close together, so I could take her with me if bad came to worse? That didn’t sound like she was all that sure she wanted to leave this world behind. And Melodenia had told me to make certain that was the case, which I wholeheartedly agreed with… Could I take Bella at all, if she wasn’t sure, if she would just resent me for it?“

"We’re leaving!” Bella’s words throw me more than just a little. “…You mean it?” “It’s what you would have done if I wasn’t around, wouldn’t you? And there’s nothing holding me here, not really. Narcissa, maybe, but she has ‘Dromeda now, and their kids, she doesn’t need me. You- I mean….” she trails off awkwardly. “I do! Need you, I mean” I try to reassure her. “I just wouldn’t want to rip you from your world, your life…” Bella laughs a humorless laugh. “What life? All my life I just did what was expected of me, without thinking for myself, and the past few years I literally wasn’t even myself. How’s that a life? You- you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, making me get away from all that. I’m coming with you.” I can’t stop the grin from spreading over my face.

We tell everyone that we are moving away for a while so they won’t worry.

The Order is torn about the issue- Mad-Eye is sad about losing a good candidate for an auror, Dädalus, Sirius and Andromeda sad to see me go in general, Marlene McKinnon as well as a few others still wary of me despite the end of the war, especially with how I stayed close to Bella- and, of course, Dumbledore, whom I completely avoid and who is probably just happy to be rid of the insubordination.

The only one genunely sad to see Bellatrix go are Narcissa, her little son Draco, Andromeda's daughter and maybe Andromeda herself. At the very least, she hugs her goodbye. For their sake, I wish we could stay longer- but Bella is right, I can't be sure I won't just be whisked away into the next world without her if I wait too long.

The pull is getting stronger already, I just want to wait a little while longer now, until it is strong enough that I am as certain as possible that it will carry both me and Bella. We’re taking a portkey to the coast, to go on a little vacation while allegedly moving away already- when it happens.

I shudder, and Bellatrix sees it. Holding onto my arm with the hand that isn’t touching the portkey, she asks: “Now?”

I nod, taking hold of her arm with my free hand as well.

looking into each other's eyes, we disappear into thin air.

**Author's Note:**

> I kinda think this story has potential for more, but if I were to fix the holes and write dialogue etc it would take ages that I don't have rn, so- posted it the way it was so it would see the light of day at all!  
> Please let me know if you liked it :)


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